My cancer journey began exactly 6 months ago today when I first heard the words, “you have breast cancer”. Almost three weeks ago, I had my last chemo session. Finishing chemo was a milestone long circled on my calendar. However, I had not spent much time thinking about the healing still to come in the days and months after. I had already started working a bit before my last chemo session and just figured with chemo behind me I’d be quickly getting back to a “normal” life, increasing my work hours, doing more with my family and friends and just feeling more like myself. Well, it has been a hard three weeks as I struggled to accept what the cumulative side effects of all the past 6 months have done to my body, mind and spirit and how much healing still needs to occur.

I have worked, just not as much as I planned. I have done a few fun things with family and friends, just not as much as my heart craves. I have more therapy, hormone injections and Tamoxifen in my near future. I’m still bald. Chemo brain is real (this week I put toothpaste on a razor…). My immune system is compromised and I get sick easier now. I have to wear a mask on campus, in grocery stores and in crowds because of all the germs. I get anxious, confused and depressed. My body just shuts down from exhaustion and I am not able to finish things. Work projects have been delayed over and over. I have 3 blog posts started that I haven’t gone back to edit and post. Laundry piles up. I’m behind in thank you notes, calls, bills, and all the “should do’s” like buying a pumpkin and mums for the front door and putting away my summer clothes and…

And yet…

I am inhaling love every day.  Not a single person in my life has made me feel like I am behind schedule or that I need to hurry up and get back to “normal”. The pressure has all come from myself. So today on this six month milestone, I am letting go of that pressure. I am so grateful for the army of angels that surrounds me with love. This army has helped me know that I have a new normal and we are in this together. I am not alone in the new normal and I accept that it will keep changing. And that is ok. The loose ends will get tied together in their time. In the meantime, I’m inhaling love and exhaling gratitude.

~Mug Up Mermaid